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Spring in July

Sundays in Pretoria shaped a lot of my thinking. It awakened a passion to live the truth about what I believe about myself and my space in the world. “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he” resonated the most – appropriately so. I was a young University graduate holding the future in the palm of my hands.

I had always imagined since then, that the end would resemble a picture in my mind of a life well lived -with no regrets, having done and tried all that I can, through the potential I have. Sometime in April last year, a midterm exam presented itself when a near death experience occurred to me. Talk of a once in a lifetime shot at self-appraisal.

It was disappointing to say the least, to describe what I thought had been the final moments of my life as execrable. There was no luxury of time to ponder on whether I had lived a meaningful, purpose filled life or not, even worse the fact that death knocked at my door abruptly. The grand illusion of dying in one’s age of glory turned into dismay.  

When a moment like that comes to you, it changes perspective on a lot of things. Personally, it deepened some believes and offered a new pair of glasses. I have become less concerned with my space in the world and more connected to what space do I hold for myself in the world? 

Where is the conduit through which my believes in life would manifest? Have I created room for that which makes me feel the most alive? Do my actions align with that which dwells in my heart? What duty is there, if any to pass through this cosmic journey and leave behind an imprint? What gifts do I hold and cannot travel with in the next lifetime?

All these damn questions…what did I cheat death for? A year later, I could still hear that voice. Some days louder than most, now often met with quietude. It is a privilege to sit in such reflection. To realise that there are seeds that lie dormant within us, until a deep-seated soliloquy sparks a resurrection of spring in July.  

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