The Eighteenth

It started with the ring – that symbol of our unity, pictogram of our love. It was nowhere to be found. Somewhere between pulling out a trolley in the supermarket and paying for my small grocery, I had felt the absence of the usual encirclement between my fingers. My wedding band had disappeared.

Although I was disappointed, my wife and I managed to get the exact band made from the same jeweler we bought it from three years ago. The only difference was it should be made a little bit tighter – my wife insisted. We both laughed at that, and a sense of relief filled the air. Little did I know that this was the beginning of loss and that somethings cannot be replaced.

My wife and I fell in love at University, when we were both 18. It was the fifth of March, 2005 – a memorable day indeed. Until this moment, I can never fully encapsulate in words the experience of that early Saturday evening; the sun and the moon eclipsed and caused a landslide. Yet everything fell into place. The universe was in perfect harmony.

It remained harmonious until our season was full, ten years later – but I did not have the mental and emotional disposition to decode that. I instinctively I knew our journey had come to its end and our soul tide had served its purpose. But in my mind, I was not willing to let go and move on, until I recognized that I was up against natural laws.

Once a seed has been planted, watered and nourished; it needs space to grow. Our relationship had served its course.

Navigating your way out of a course and redefining who you are, is a different subject on its own. They say the pain of losing someone whom is still alive is more difficult to process and absorb than burying a loved one whom has passed. Separating from my now ex-wife has been one of the toughest call.

A call that resounds from the eighteenth; when we exchanged vows and we promised to hold light for each other; light that has turned into a garden of illumination in my life. Who would have thought, in a space of absence – years later, such a day would reverberate and continue to hold space for memorable delight?